Closer to Him

I am a people pleaser. I try not to be but its just how I am. I don't like to be confrontational so I avoid it at all costs. Sometimes that ends up being a good thing or a bad thing. Often I will agree with the person to avoid conflict whether I agree or not. I find my self becomming a little bit like everyone around me. And it makes me miserable because I know that deep down that is not who I am.

On the other hand I also want to be a God pleaser. I go to church and serve, raise my kids to love the Lord, try to always do the right thing in His eyes, love my neighbor, forgive, change my heart and always questioning what I'm doing wrong and trying to change.

The problem with this is that I never make it. I end up turning away from God to please people. And it kills me till I am down on my knees asking God to forgive me.

One example is in dealing with raising my girls. During times when Kris is gone is the hardest. I end up having little patience because I am pulled in so many different directions. I try to teach the girls that keeping their room clean is one way we can keep order and peace in the house so God is not drowned in all our "stuff" and we can hear him better. (to glorify God) But then I lose patience and yell at them because I have some mind set that others' kids can keep their room clean, why can't mine. "You should clean your room so other people don't think bad about us." (pleasing people) And I end up instilling people pleasing into my kids.

I hate it and it breaks my heart that I have failed and then I am back where I started. When praying about this I asked God, "What can I do to fix this? How can I please you. I am desperate. I am failing!" and God just said, "Be a Proverbs 31 Woman" and I said, "But God I am so tired. I can't do all that. I have tried and I always fail!" and God said, "You can do all things through Christ who will strengthen you." Phil 4:13 "He will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

The fact is that we are all human and we will always fail. But through Christ I am free from my sin and I am allowed to start new at any time. This keeps me closer to him. We are all sinners but that doesn't have to keep us in bondage. We can all be free if we just allow him back in our hearts. He was there anyway. He never left us. So with that I will leave you with this song. I love it and I hope this will encourage you today.